“So in this moment of reflection, I’m taking an accounting of what our children really need to grow into well-rounded, responsible adults with active bodies and brains, and what we might have been missing as a family because of trying to do too much. Perhaps what we really needed all along was less on our plates and more time with one another.”
Clint Edwards, How Quarantine Has Brought My Family Closer Together
A special kind of social life
Once Corona deemed social interactions unsafe, I first felt a sense of relief. I don’t need to chase down friends and beg for playdates. I can enjoy my own lazy company all the time and my son will be there too. Until I realized I love being around others. As an introvert, I also need to find my “me” time, but I truly get energy and strength from being around people I choose to be around.
With COVID, the choice of who I can be around was decided for me. Since my son is a vector between the two families—he goes back and forth spreading the germs from the two houses—his dad’s family was a safe bet for socializing. And socialize we do. No masks, pizza parties, swims in the pool. It’s a lot of fun and is getting me through this time. We even added a family that we agreed upon. Good friends from the city who found a place to rent up here. Being in a pod with these people has helped keep things light, when the news is all doom and gloom.
In the NYT article, How Quarantine Has Brought My Family Closer Together, we’re reminded of what it means to be with your family in close quarters. I took it to mean both families. And, gave myself permission to ask questions before diving in: What will it mean to socialize with a co-parent and his family? Will it interfere with all the work I’ve done to keep things professional? How can I keep any feelings of anger or resentment out of their home? Am I posing a good role model to my child? Am I focusing on my own needs? How is the other parent reacting to this change? (Also, recognize the other parent may be asking a similar series of questions.)
A personal story. When our power went out for six-days during storm Isais, our co-parenting family had power. We were able to stay there and have a really fun time with the boys. We cooked and played silly games, and even had a mini music concert. It was a wonderful excuse to spend time together as a family unit.
Who’s in charge?
When spending time together during “mom’s time,” I take responsibility for our child, ensuring all of his needs are met. And when it’s his “dad’s time,” I gently step back and let his father parent. This reduces the chance of disagreement or confusion. We have different parenting styles; which my son has experienced in separate houses for most of his life. Spending time together during COVID allows us to socialize and build a community, when we’re otherwise forced to be alone. It also helps build trust, which, in turn, will make it easier to be flexible in the future.
